THE CONFESSION OF A HOUSEWIFE
It was the fall. The yards were filled with dry leaves. I, Sarah Catherine James, am a housewife to Richard James and merely a sexual affair to Richard’s friend, Jonathan. And that’s not the start, this is where I end my life. I am going to die, just like the leaves in the fall.
And now, the start: Richard proposed me, it was the best day of my life, I was more than ready to marry him, and we were wife and husband after ending our 2 years of relationship. The starting days were normal. We were broke, since we married at 19. We worked hard, just for ourselves, just for our food and our graduation. We graduated at 21. Richard got a new job and he seemingly was busy. It was not too late that I also got a job. My job was to take care of the house. My job was to eat, sleep and clean the house. I was vexed, I was tired of it, and my husband got a promotion. I knew it was going to get harder. I talked to him to reduce his work and spend time with me. He was nice to be with me on Sundays, but not alone, he had to get his friends and play cards all the time. I got used to the routine, and I never asked anything else. Not that I wanted sex, we had it a lot of times..I needed love, it was hard for him to give the love I wanted.
I was getting lonely, frustrated and yet, I had to maintain the marriage, and so I had to carry on with this same routine, until one day. It was Sunday, he came along with his friends and there was a new one. My husband came to me smiling, he introduced – “Sarah, this is Jonathan and Jonathan, this is my wife Sarah.” Jonathan was fair and had a slight athletic build. His blue eyes and his brown hair could grab anyone’s attention. His voice was soft, and slightly hard to hear. And he continued – ” You know what? She just makes the best pancakes ever. Sarah, could you make some, darling?”. I smiled and agreed, my husband left to play the game. At least, his friend was nice enough to thank me.
I was out of flour, and I was not going to move my ass out of the house, just to make my husband’s friend a pancake. I went to my husband, handed him over a slip, and no, he won’t stop playing, he wants to stay there itself. I rushed out, I was furious, I took the slip,money, I left to buy. His new friend wanted to accompany me. I suppose he was trying to be nice. I agreed, there was no reason to not.
“I am sorry. It was my fault to tell that I liked pancakes. I didn’t expect this.”
“No need to apologize, it’s not like you wanted it. I don’t have a problem.”
“I heard, you were married in college. Was he always into cards or just a new habit of his?”
“Oh, don’t ask me. He’s lost a lot in this and thanks to that, we just cancelled many of our dates. At least, after we got married, he worked very hard to maintain the marriage and his studies. ” I smiled.
“How far is this mart, we are heading to? Oh, by the way, you’re blushing.”
“Sorry, it’s just at the end of the street.” I smiled again.
We reached the mart, bought the stuff. Jonathan brought home all the ingredients. I went to the kitchen, without looking at Richard. I had sufficient items to make a lunch for everyone. I asked everyone to come to the dining table. Richard, Swift(another one of his friends) and Jonathan helped me in setting up the table. The lunch didn’t matter. What they wanted was the beer. Not that my food was bad, it’s just that the men couldn’t complete a dinner without beer. I just told them to go get the beer themselves. I was cold, but it did work. They all went to buy beer for themselves. Actually, they all went to the bar. It was fine with me. I’ll pretend it’s just another working day to him.
I was sleeping, until there was a call on the line. Guess who? It was Jonathan.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“No problem. Why aren’t you with them?”
“I am done. I don’t drink a lot, also I had to drive home. Uh, may I come in?”
“Sorry, let me just…come back to my senses.”
I ran to the hall, opened the door for Jonathan. I gave him a seat and sat there with him. A few moments of ‘alone’, and what do you expect from a lonely housewife? No, we didn’t kiss, neither did we talk. Just sitting together for a while, silently talking through heart, talking about each other’s desires, silently, without a word. We both knew, we were going to do something bad sooner or later.
2 months passed and Jonathan became his best friend, also mine. If Richard and I didn’t have fights, we could have stayed best friends. Now, he’s my affair. I know he’s using me for his physical desires. But at least, he’s noticing me. We would just wait for my husband to leave for the office. Initially everything is fun, my marriage, my affair….everything. Until, I got pregnant and that’s not because of my husband. This whole nine months, I could not find a trace of Jonathan on Sundays or on any other day. He just disappeared. He didn’t answer my calls. I understood, that was it. Just like any man, he also abandoned
me as soon as he knew he’s going to be a father.
I had a girl, her name Jennifer, since it started with’ J’. That should remind me of my mistakes everyday. Jonathan started appearing again, now, not as my husband’s Sunday friend. But, as a molester…as a black-mailer, he came to the house everyday. I was scared, what if my husband knew whose baby she was. He used me, with that excuse, everyday and sometimes, even when my husband was home. He insisted, he persuaded, he forced me to come out of the house, to his place. It got worse, when he got his friends too.
My daughter was growing up. She’s 5 now, and Jonathan didn’t stop yet. For 5 years, I have been his slave. This already affected my marriage, my husband’s starting to have doubts. He’s been getting angry, not that he’s just hurting me, he’s also hurting himself and the baby.
Jennifer, her gentle smile, was slowly turning into a disappointed frown. Her face, her scars, all of them, were making me remember my mistakes. It was time to face the truth. I had to get rid of Jonathan, rebuild my marriage and give my kid a happy life.
“I am not going to listen to you anymore. Leave me alone. If you are going to blackmail me with the truth. So be it, I myself am going to tell the truth to him. You can get the hell out my life now.”
I turned around to leave his house. He dragged me back. He pushed me onto his bed. I was scared, but to my shock….
“I am sorry, but don’t tell this to your husband. Please, he’s going to desert my daughter.”
He was crying. No matter what he did to me, he loved his daughter. I was happy, but again, I could not be with him anymore. I had to get rid of him. But I couldn’t and I don’t know why.
“Okay, promise me that you won’t use me. Promise that you will take care of your daughter. You will come home to love her.”
“Sure, I promise.”
I came home, I was happy, but again it’s Sunday and I am scared what my husband would do today.
“Sarah, come here. Cook me something NOW and I am going to kill you if it’s going to taste bad. My friends are coming and you better bring the beer before they arrive.”
My daughter was sleeping and it’s nice that she is. She didn’t have to listen to all of this. I silently went around, took the car keys and went to the bar to get the beer first and then, all of the ingredients. By the time I came back, his friends were back. Even Jonathan.
The food was served, but this time, it’s just me and Jonathan doing the serving.
We had our relation back, and I meant, the relation with Jonathan. The routine changed from ‘eat, sleep and clean the house’ to a very gross, indecent affair. It was not very long, that Jennifer got to know about our affair. We made love at the house, locking her in her room. I soon realized the reason I didn’t get rid of him back then. I was lonely, just like the time my husband went working. My daughter now 13, hates me more than Richard.
She hated her life, having been born to us. Slowly, I even realized Jonathan had me in mind, he never wanted the child. Jennifer was unwanted to neither of the men. I was unwanted to Richard and Jennifer. Richard was unwanted to me and Jonathan. Jonathan was unwanted to Richard and Jennifer.
How do I know, I am unwanted? This is the conversation my daughter had with Richard.
“Dad, she comes around with him all the time”
“Who is he?”
“I don’t know, but she walks around all the time with him, She does stuff with him”
“You wait. Let me check it myself”
The whole family got destroyed, just because of a simple affair. I asked Jonathan to take me to a date, all of a sudden, to check if at least, he loved me.
“Tell me, do you like me?”
“Yeah, I always did.” He rubbed his legs around mine under the table. When I looked at him, he winked. I knew he was lying.
“Would you marry me, if I left Richard?”
After a long pause..”Uhh, yes”
He’s lying. He can’t even hide his lies.”So be it, I am going to file a divorce tomorrow.”
“NO” His face was filled with terror. “Let’s have some more time together.”
“No, we are going to marry”
“Please, let me think of it. I am not sure if I should do this.”
“You had no problem telling me that you loved me, you have no problem in telling that you want tomarry me. But you just have the problem when I say the same?”
“How can I believe you, how am I going to marry a lady who’s had an affair?” He blurted out.
“So I am just a slut. who you can use whenever you want to? I am just a thing for you, you don’t love me,you just love sex. Leave me alone from now.”
I rushed out of the Cafe. He chased me, he caught me tight…”Please, give me time.”
“No…just leave me alone. You are just using me and now, you are just harassing me. Leave me alone.
People started to gather around. I shouted for help. He pushed me away. I had to go. I was sad, I was crying. No one cared.
::And now, I, Sarah Catherine James, husband of Richard James and merely a sexual affair to Jonathan Carrie, am going to end my life here and now. Just, like the leaves in the fall.
– by Vennam Vaibhav
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